Hi guys!
I shared this on social media a few weeks ago:
" We got some better news than we were hoping for today regarding some testing for this sweet boy. My mama-heart has been basking in prayer over him and welcoming whatever path God would have for us to walk as his parents. I believe God uses circumstances like this to teach us humility, compassion and understanding; and to give us a glimpse into the hearts of others who may be dealing with some of our biggest fears. I'll be sharing more on the blog later next week, but for now I'm just going to lay here with my sleeping boy and thank the Lord for His goodness and mercy."
Before I get into details, I wanted to tell you that I'm sharing this because I know there are Mama's out there like me who struggle with what others think of us when we are out and about with our "colorful" child. I also want you to know I'm here if you need an understanding heart to share your burden with.
See, I understand the helplessness when we watch as our colorful, spirited child sometimes struggles with fitting in and doesn't always know how to respond to certain social norms.
I've felt that heart-sinking feeling when a sweet, caring teacher wants to hold your super-intelligent child back another year in Kindergarten. How you second guess yourself when you sense that they think you're wrong for refusing to do so, but you stand your ground anyway. Because, after all, you know him better than they do.
I know how it feels when we are in stores or running errands...We smile politely at the sometimes impolite onlookers who stare as our child is pacing, walking into the grocery cart for the fifth time, hitting himself in the head, hopping from tile to tile on the floor as people are trying to walk by, or over-reacting to a scratch because he tripped over his own feet for the umpteenth time.
We smile at the onlookers while we are keeping up with what we are doing and simultaneously doing our best to reel him back in, comfort and calm him.
We see the look on a stranger's face and know that they wonder if something is wrong with our child or our parenting skills.
We wish we had the time to sit down and tell them how wonderful and creative he is. How intuitive and brilliant our hyperactive child is.
We also wish they knew that even though his body can't stop moving and he can't control certain behaviors or anxieties; he sees and knows things that most people miss. He sometime's bears the weight of the world on his shoulders and wishes everyday that bad things wouldn't happen.
I wish I had the time to sit down and tell the one's who don't understand him all of this:
He's doing his best and about a few weeks into the school year last year, his teacher noticed some issues with social interaction among other things we were already dealing with at home. After we moved into a new home in a new neighborhood with new faces and new surroundings, Ryan and I began to notice these issues were growing more intense. After individualized classes with occupational and speech therapist's, issues with his fine motor skills weren't improving, speech was improving slowly, and his sensory issues only intensified.
I consulted with a Psychologist I know who is so compassionate and understanding. He allowed me to bring Jude in for a visit to see if further testing would be necessary. I wasn't surprised when he offered to email another Psychologist he knows who specializes in Autism Spectrum Disorders.
I had been praying specific prayer's nightly over Jude after our bedtime bible time, so I had faith in God's plan regardless of whatever we found through testing.
After tons of paperwork for me and lots of testing for Jude, we went back for the results a few weeks later.
To be honest with you, I expected to hear what I felt was a long road ahead of us with my sweet boy. I expected to hear a High Functioning Autism diagnosis. Instead, we learned that although his fine motor skills and sensory processing are in line with 'the spectrum', his social communication is not. We learned that he is extremely ADHD and suffers from anxiety. Even though he doesn't always understand how to respond in social situations, he scored way above his peers in his ability to read someone's facial expressions and put himself in another's shoes.
Oh my sweet Jude Goodwin... I just want to hold him and tell him that the world can sometimes be a cruel, hurtful place, but that it's not the end because we have hope in Christ.
I'm so thankful for a somewhat "simpler" diagnosis than what we originally thought. However, I know the struggle and how it feels to be an empath; to intensely feel the emotions and struggles of another human being and to bear the burden with them. I know the anxiety of feeling everything and being distracted at school and home because you're compassion and concern for others can be overwhelming. I remember how it felt to want to sometimes play alone because it could all be too much.
With all that said, I truly believe that this type of heart and mind is a gift.
I believe this compassion, understanding, and consideration mixed with the ability to be silly and make others laugh can bring so much joy and comfort to others.
Galatians 6:2 says,
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Tomorrow we will start therapy to help with fine motor skills, sensory issues, impulsive/compulsive behavior, hyperactivity and innattention. I chose personally not to put Jude on medication for fear of it changing his personality too much. I don't disagree with medication, but for now it's a last resort for us. I believe therapy can help change negative behaviors without changing the parts of his personality we love!
Mama's and friends of colorful, spirited children-
Next time you feel like you want to apologize or explain to onlookers who don't understand, remember our colorful child isn't the sum of what they see. Simply smile at them knowing you get the privilege of going home and snuggling up every night with the sweetest little kiddo under that little "Fruit loop in a world full of Cheerios" exterior.
