My word for the year.

I waxed and waned as I felt compelled to choose a word for this year. 

It has been a while since I’ve done this, but...

Tonight, I caught a glimpse of my daughter’s bucket list. I observed it, pondered it and finally discerned it in all it represents. 

Elizabeth Kathrine. 

Elizabeth- “Consecrated to God”.  

Kathrine- “Pure”.  
“Ellie Kate”.I named her, then nick-named her the moment I knew I was expecting her. I felt in my heart God had blessed me with a girl. Indeed he had. She is a force to be reckoned with (in case you’ve never met her). She’s reserved, yet confident, decisive, fierce, stronger than any human I know, and quite frankly put- she’s just..well, one of the really good ones. I’m not just saying that because she’s one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever been entrusted with, ask anyone who knows her well. Even though I often joke about her being a 35 year old in a 12 year old body, the fact of the matter is, she is still only 12 and she’s still watching and listening to me. It was reflected in her bucket list. Honestly, I feel like a pretty lame mom for neglecting that reality just because she’s such an old soul with more logic and sound judgment than most adults I know. The truth and the bold reality is that even old souls still need their mama, require leadership, boundaries, guidance, encouragement and a whole lot of wisdom. 

Jude Goodwin.

Jude-“Praise” 

Goodwin- “Friend of God” and my mother’s maiden name. 

I’ll never forget praying for a baby brother with Ellie Kate after we’d watched ‘The Wizard of Oz’ for the umpteenth time on a pallet of blankets and pillows in our living room while her dad was away for work. We prayed, trusted, and God answered our quiet, small prayer late that night. 

Jude Goodwin- That boy has gifted me with more understanding, empathy, and a reason to praise than I could ever express in words. Though often times he seems aloof, his heart of gold, willingness to   please, desire to make humankind smile, and his wild nature remind me to see the world through the eyes of my children each and every day. He also, reminds me that I’m still that 8 year old kid in a 34 year old body...and that’s okay. He’s a ray of laughter and sunshine on the gloomiest of days. He’s a stream of consciousness when everyone else is afraid to say it out loud and he’s not afraid to color outside the lines.
Hayden Eva. 
Hayden-“Fire” 
Eva-“Full of life”. 

I didn’t choose her name but God gave me the most beautiful gift of being a stepmom to this petite soul when I married Ryan. Her quiet, tender, conscientious personality reminds me that who we are is engrained soul deep. She encourages me without words to constantly encourage with words and reminds me to be intentional. They say motherhood is the purest love you’ll ever know. Friends, I’m here to tell you with out a doubt that the love of a mama extends beyond whether or not you’ve physically birthed a child, because I love and know that precious girl inside and out just like my “own”.

Motherhood. In all its glory..From trusting God’s goodness in seasons of pain, heartache, loss, and plea-full prayer; to seasons of grace, mercy, and prayerful praise- my children have been a picture of his goodness in every season and an affirmation that HE has called us each and every one by name... just like the very name I gave my children when he, in all his omniscience, whispered those names into my heart the moment they were entrusted to me...Yet, he didn’t stop there. He entrusted me with a name I’d never anticipated through the most unexpected and beautiful gift of being a stepmother.The beauty of this life, not just in motherhood but in it all, is that he has a perfect plan specifically for you and me as individuals to live out authentically. It's much easier to live that out when we take the time to truly observe not just inwardly, but outwardly as well. 

Pure: without any extraneous and unnecessary elements. 

Lately, I’ve been so busy trying to physically keep up that I’ve neglected taking the time to be grounded in the moment, soak in my surroundings, and discern the here and now, so that I hear HIS voice above the rest. 

My prayer for 2019 is that I will have eyes to see, a heart that embraces the gift of discernment that was given to me by the one who calls me by name, and the courage to stand firmly, confidently, and unapologetically in that truth. Or in the lyrics of my favorite band, Mumford and Sons, 

“Keep the earth below my feet

For all my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve and my hands to learn.”

Which is why this year, my word of the year is Discern. 

Discern : to detect with the eyes: or to detect with senses other than vision.

Do you choose a word for the year? I’d love to hear yours! Happy 2019, friends❤️