Love remains.

I can't wait to get our wedding photos back so I can share them all with you, but until then I wanted to share my heart. 

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

We only have this one life here on earth.

The beauty and comfort in that truth is that we don't get just one shot at it. We serve a God of second chances. A God who doesn't require that we pick up the remains of the aftermath, but who completely restores our life and makes all things new. 

I'll never forget they way I felt the moment I stepped up to the alter, joined hands with Ryan and listened as pastor Don began to read aloud the lyrics to the song I chose as I walked down the aisle:

"There is good news

There is good truth
That you could never change
No matter what you do
You are loved
More than you know
More than you could hope for
After everything you've done

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

There is good news
There's a promise
That no matter where you go
You will never be alone
In the dark
In the doubting
When you can't feel anything
Oh, his love remains the same

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

Even through the night
Silver stars will shine
Hope of glory's light
That will wake us once again

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
As sure as the sun will rise
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end"

As Sure As The Sun by Ellie Holcomb. 

I didn't intend to get teary-eyed or a little weepy, but the second I heard those lyrics I typed in bold I could barely hold back the tears. 

There was something about having that song read back to us as part of our marriage covenant that not only brought the tears; it brought the picture and purpose of marriage exactly the way it was created by our Heavenly Father to life. 

Seconds before I felt giddy, filled with joy and overwhelmed with gladness.  

As Pastor Don continued to read, I was quickly sobered and filled with humility because not only has my savior loved me at my darkest and when I didn't want to feel anything, so has Ryan. 

I stood up there with Ryan and a room full of loved ones, most of my village in that little chapel where we were wed, who have all loved me not just on the good days but also at my darkest. 

In that moment I felt so undeserving, yet so much gratitude that God would choose to give me this life. 

I feel so much comfort and freedom in trusting Ryan to love me unconditionally during our lifetime here on earth, and even more freedom in the truth that marriage is not just about us. It's not just about the song or the dress or wedding "stuff".

Marriage is a metaphor of Christ and the church. 

A picture of unconditional love. The commitment and the laying down of one's life for the one whom your soul loves.

Not just on the good days. In the dark days. In the days of doubting. 

In seasons of life when we need our savior and where God's infinite love and mercy abounds...

His love remains the same. 

In seasons of marriage when our infinite, unconditional love for each other abounds and we choose to choose each other everyday through it all..

Love remains.

Days when we love each other at our darkest. When we work together raising our children. When we laugh together until we can't breathe and our sides hurt. 

Even on the days in between when we're just content to be still and sit together without saying a word...

Love remains. 

Moving Day.

"Get over your hill and see what you find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." After the storm, Mumford and Son's   

Today was the last day of our three day moving adventure. We are completely moved into our new home. I can't thank my Parents and Ryan's buddy enough for all of their help. 

There's no better place to stand than to stand confidently in the midst of God's will for your life.

The truth is, I always thought I would have a certain life. 

The day the kids and I moved into our condo, I let go of that. The life I was previously working towards, with unclenched fists..no hatred or bitterness..with completely open hands, handed back.

I trusted God would take care of us the day I signed the lease to our condo on 3035 Combray Circle. I wasn't exactly sure how, but I kept the faith. 

I believed with all my heart He was going to change us here. I felt my heart being changed the minute I turned the key and slowly peeked around the corner as I opened the door to our little "shoebox" as I often called it. We laughed, cried, loved hard, yelled, shared secrets (and bedrooms), prayed together, and dreamt together over the past two years in that tiny little space. Some days it felt so small and confining, but most days it was warm and cozy..and we made it our home. 

I knew moving day was coming, but I couldn't have anticipated quite how fast. 

Leaving this home was so much more than just leaving a home. It's a house filled with redemption, memories and our stories in each of its walls.

Every memory played out like a short film in rewind as I closed the door behind me and locked it as the kids and I move on to the next chapter of our lives. 

I've always struggled with letting go of things: Cards or letters that every loved one has ever given me, trinkets from high school or my children's baby clothes, pictures that bring painful memories or items that remind me how far I've come. 

The hurt, the struggle, the surrender- that all makes us who we are. It brings us each to different outcomes but at the end of the day it makes up the pieces of who we have become. It's okay to hold on to the things that are part of us, but there are also times when there's freedom in letting go. 

This home will forever hold a piece of my heart. It has fingerprints of God's handiwork in my life and in the lives of my littles. It's seen me at my worst and it's seen us change into who we are today.

In one week from today, Ryan and I will be married and sharing our new home as a family of 5. 

There's so much to be gained when we live a life with open hands. 

"You open Your hand And satisfy the desire of every living thing." Psalm 145:16

Here's to open hands always.

December.

December is minutes away. For me, it always brings love, laughter, and a sobering reminder of a plan put into action and made complete by the maker of the stars; the one who's ways are not our ways nor whose thoughts are our thoughts. 

Sometimes life throws these moments right in front of you. Moments that stop you dead in your tracks, cause you to breathe a little heavier, make your throat lumpy, and your eyes fill up with tears-

Not because what's happening is sad, but because you know that moment is passing faster than a speeding bullet and the second you blink it's gone. 

I'm a dreamer, an idealist. Always have been. It has it's perks, but sometimes I have to remind myself to be present especially in this season of motherhood. 

I love the quote, "You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today, it will be over before you know it."

That quote alone makes the tears flow. 

I'm thankful for moments like tonight where I stopped to watch my children find joy in decorating our humble little tree while we sipped hot chocolate and watched Christmas movies. There is so much beauty that is in store for them that they don't even know is already in the works. I can't wait to share those with them and here on this little space, but tonight I wanted to share what was on my heart after I soaked up this precious time and tucked them in bed. 

Knowing that Ryan has worked continually in providing a future for not just me, but my kids also, and that those things will be played out over the next 30 days reminded me of how God is constantly working in our lives in ways we don't or can't always see. 

3 "When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

    human beings that you care for them?"

I can't help but dream of our family and what God has in store for all of us over the next month and years to come. I can't help but praise Him, thank Him, and humble myself before Him for all the plans he's put it to place without me even knowing.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

    

Such a time as this.

"Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created..." Esther 4:14

This picture stirs up so much emotion in me. 

When I step back and watch my children I know without a doubt that I was made for Motherhood. When I can see the freedom, joy and life in their eyes. When I can see it in their attitude and actions, I can fully grasp the rewards of being my children's mother. I catch a glimpse of how much God loves to see his children embracing the freedom he gave us through the cross. 

It's so easy to get in caught up in the day to day duties of motherhood. Sometimes those days can be overwhelming because it doesn't look like joy and freedom. It looks like failure, tears, and a plea for God's intervention. 

When I take a step back and watch the fruits of my labor I'm blessed beyond measure and filled with so much hope, joy and overwhelming gratitude for grace in moments when I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. 

I read chapter 4 of Esther during my quiet time this past week and it encourage me so much. 

"If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?"

I'm reminded that my job as a mother isn't just to live aimlessly; my job is to train by children and raise them up in the grace and admonition of the Lord. 

If I, like Queen Esther, keep quiet and lose sight then someone else will do my job. We live in a time when children are hit from every side by the world's view of life. If I am not diligent to instill in them a firm foundation built on the rock, the world will be sure to build a house on sinking sand. 

"Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai:  “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

I love Esther's courage and steadfastness. Not only was she willing to do the work of the Lord, she was willing to lay down her life for His kingdoms cause. 

What an example of a strong woman and what an encouragement to us as a mother's to be steadfast in the purpose for that which God created us.  

I thank God everyday that even on my worst day in training up my children, I was made for such a time as this. 

Everyday is a blessing. Every moment is a lesson..and every second of those minutes I am thankful!

Be grace.

When I was little my grandad called me Grace, because I was the poster child for the antonym of graceful. I was clumbsy and would trip over my own two feet. Some days, underneath the woman I've grown into, I still feel like that little girl who was more like a bull in a china shop than the budding lady my mom always hoped I'd be. 

As I've always viewed that nick name as sarcasm for a girl who can't seem to stand on her own two feet; the older I get, I'm starting to wonder if I've been wrong all these years. Maybe that nickname given to me by my grandad so many years ago wasn't sarcasm at all. Perhaps the fact that there are days I can't stand on my own two feet is a mere metaphor for the very definition of a life lived in the grip of grace. 

Grace-

What is grace? In the New Testament grace means God’s love in action towards men who merited the opposite of love. Grace means God moving heaven and earth to save sinners who could not lift a finger to save themselves.

What a beautiful picture of unconditional love. 

Romans 3 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

For all those times, literally and physically, that I've fallen flat on my face, His grace abounds. 

Ephesians 2:8 says,

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

It's ok that most days I can't stand on my own two feet. Grace still abounds. 

One verse that I always share with my children is Psalm 139:13-14.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I know God created me with purpose. Sometimes, I still wonder what His purpose for my life is aside from being a mom and Ryan's future wife. As I've prayed and pictured what his purpose for my life is, the word Grace has been what comes to mind. 

It's like God's saying, "Don't worry about the details or about being your idea of a perfect mom, future wife or perfect anything; just be a picture of grace." 

Maybe not all of us were meant to be extraordinary, to have it all together, or walk the tight rope without tripping over our own two feet. Maybe the only thing the God of the universe asks of our lives is to live out who we are in each moment of our everyday lives. To be the picture of grace that He so lavishly bestowed upon us and to point others to Him. 

For me, right now, I feel like my calling is to simply be that picture at home for my children and for Ryan. I know that my greatest ministry is at home. Perhaps God will use my ministry here on this blog as well as at home to minister to others. I don't know. I do know that he's sovereign and "in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."  -Colossians 1:16&17

A world with October's.

When I was younger, I loved to read and my grandad knew it.

He would encourage me to stick with it by bringing me books on all occasions or sometimes just because. 

He'd bring me Nancy Drew, Goosebumps, The Secret Garden, and books from the Anne of Green Gables collection until I had them all. There were so many more but these were my favorite's. Especially Anne of Green Gables! Sometimes I'd stay up all night reading them.

One the quotes I just love is by Lucy M. Montgomery from Anne of Green Gables-"Im so glad we live in a world with October's."

Me too. 

After all, October is my favorite month. 

My favorite month in my favorite season. October, for me, has always brought this burst of warmth. 

Warmth of colors, tastes, and smells. A feeling of comfort and of being home. 

My mom came up on Monday to see the kiddos and help me out because I've been so sick. 

I'm thankful she is close and can be here within a couple of hours. 

She cooked for us and spent extra special time with the kiddos. 

Yesterday I mustered up the energy to get ready and we took the kiddos to the local farmers's market to get a pumpkin. Does anyone else love October's and the Farmers Market as much as I do?!

After much consideration, they each found their 'perfect' pumpkin!

After we got our pumpkins, flowers, hay bale, and a bag of boiled peanuts we headed across the the way so the kids could play on the seesaw. 

We headed home just in time for Hayden and Ryan to drop in and have a visit. 

My mom found skeleton Cheetos at the grocery store. Hayden and Jude had fun finding the pieces to put Mr. Skeleton together. Then they ate him up!

I love simple, soft moments. The ones where you know the memories are dear because of whom you've made them with. Not because of how extravagant or exciting it was; or how smoothly things did or didn't go. 

"After all," Anne had said to Marilla once, "I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string." - Anne of Avonlea

Rain.

Hosea 6:3 is one of my favorite verses. I love the entire passage as well. 

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us;

he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us;   on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:1-3

This is such a beautiful reminder as we pray for the devastation all over our state. It's a reminder that God is faithful, He will heal us, and restore what's been lost.

It's also made me realize that just as the rain has flooded and wrecked parts of my home state of South Carolina, our father in heaven wants to wreck our hearts and flood them with who He is. 

He wants to wreck us so that there is nothing left of us, only Him. 

Something doesn't need restoring until it's completely wrecked. I know this may be a bold prayer, but I pray that God will wreck the depths of my soul until there's only room for Him. That He would restore me in His perfect image. That my heart would be flooded until it's bursting with his mercy, grace and loving-kindness. 

May He come to us like rain! 

It's all alright..and lately in photos.

I created this blog not just to share what's happening lately, but more as a vessel for God to use me. 

This space is my offering back to Him in hopes that because of my story, He gets the glory that belongs only to Him. 

"If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 

your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you."

3 

Psalm 139:11-18

Lately life has been coming at me full swing, or at least it feels that way. 

I'm no stranger to up's and downs. It's been something I've wrestled with a lot over my life. I think we all do at some point, right?

Seasons of depression come swiftly, without warning, and with no intention of leaving as swiftly as they rush in. 

I'm learning that even though it may feel like it sometimes, it's not the end of the world. 

For me, even though my mind is a million miles from earth in this particular season, I'm introspective, creative and write more from the heart. 

This is proof that God can use the seasons of darkness and sadness just as much as he can use the seasons of gladness. The bottom line is- He loves us no matter what season we are in and He desires to use us in both. 

My sweet mama has been sending me bible verses and encouragement daily. Even when I don't want to, I read it anyway.

While I was cooking and doing my thing in the kitchen tonight these verses came to mind:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:37-39

It's ok. It's all alright! No matter what season I'm in, high or low, NOTHING can separate me from His love. 

What a relief and a light in the darkest place. 

I often think about the ways God has blessed me. My kiddos, Ryan, my family, you guys, the rest of my tribe, and my faith are what keep me encouraged and remind me to keep persevering.

My little lovebugs are so tender and are watching my every move. It's one of the reasons I know I have to press on even when I don't feel like I can press any further. 

It's also one of the reasons why I believe God's truth that children are such a blessing- 

"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them..." -Psalm 127:4-5

On a lighter note here are some photos from what's been happening lately! 

We haven't been exempt from the rain here in Florence, so today the kids made the best of being inside and played "school". 

We also cheered for the buckeyes after their win against Indiana.

We might have some future buckeye cheerleaders standing in front of us!

I should be laying out my crew's church clothes for tomorrow. Instead, I'm blogging and before this I was in the kitchen making my grandma's recipe for vinegar-based slaw. Its my favorite!! I added some of my own pizazz to it. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to dig in, so I did a few "taste test's" to make sure it was just right.

I had a much needed movie night with Ryan last week while the kids were in Memphis with their Dad and stepmom. 

I also got to have a girls night a few weeks ago with my best friend Erika! 

"Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find." -William Shakespeare

We encourage each other and sharpen each other. She's the one friend who's allowed to criticize me and tell me the truth even when it hurts because I know I can trust her. 

She also challenged me to do the October yoga spice challenge! You can follow me on Instagram if you want to see me look really awkward as I try to do daily yoga poses like this..