The bigger picture.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

My heart was so heavy as I drove home from Charleston yesterday.
For the past week, I've stuck close beside my dad's side of the family as we pray and wait. A few weeks ago my cousin (age 22) was diagnosed with cancer and is fighting for his life in ICU at MUSC.
We are all thankful for the doctors who are doing all they can to sustain his life but still my heart aches.
My heart aches, not just as his cousin but as a mother. I can't imagine what my aunt is going through or how she feels as she watches while her oldest son continues to fight this horrible cancer.
My heart aches for my grandparents and the rest of my cousin's, aunt's, and uncle's.
My heart aches for his fiancé as I watch her stay strong and continue to hold the hand of her future husband.
My heart aches through and through.
As I drove home I couldn't help but weep as I thought of the suffering so many of my loved one's are enduring right now.
I thought of my younger cousin who wanted to know why bad things happen to good people. He didn't understand.
To be honest, as I continued the long drive down I-26, I wanted to make sense of and understand the why, and how these kinds of things happen too.
I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I know God is good and faithful. I know He works all things together for the good of those who love the Him, but with something like this, It's hard to see how anything good could come out of it.
But then...
I thought of how the community has rallied together in Jordan's honor and how so many have cried out to God on his behalf. I thought about one girl who posted on his support group on Facebook that she hadn't prayed in a while and had turned from God and how this has made her return to Him.
Those are not just good things; those are great things!
God also reminded me that nothing on this earth that we go through compares to the suffering His one and only Son endured on that cross. Even if we can't understand our own suffering or why these kinds of things happen, our Heavenly Father does. And He longs to bring us comfort.
He said in his word that, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."
I read this quote from my devotion this morning that said, "Are you asking why this should be, believer? Look upward to your heavenly Father, and behold Him pure and holy. Do you know that you are one day to be like Him? Will you easily be conformed to His image? Will you not require much refining in the furnace of affliction to purify you? Will it be an easy thing to get rid of your corruptions and make you perfect even as your Father in heaven is perfect?"-Alistair Begg
God desires us to be more like Him. In order to do that he must refine us and that process hurts.
My heart continues to hurt for Jordan and the rest of my family, but I will seek comfort in the most high. I will continue to trust in His goodness even when I can't see the bigger picture.
I know that God uses all things for His glory, and I know that He is faithful to his promise's.