Beauty for ashes...

Today wanted to share the story of how and why I chose the tattoo for my arm. 

When deciding on this tattoo, I knew it better be something extremely thought out and something VERY, VERY personal!  These are the questions I asked myself:

What is the most important thing in my life? What is something I carry in my heart on a daily basis and will continue to carry. What is my passion? My first love. What makes me feel something even when I don't want to? To face my fears when I feel like I can't. 

After thinking long and hard. 'Beauty for Ashes' is what I decided. Sounds weird and makes no sense right? Good.  That way more people have to ask what it means. 

This is the passage it came from:

Isaiah 61-

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to comfort all who mourn, to bestow on them a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—"

Way back in 'bible times' men would put ashes on their head to show that they were mourning. In Isaiah 61:3 Christ makes a beautiful promise to trade those ashes for beauty.

I chose this particular verse, because my sinful nature breaks my heart. Daily, it makes me want to mourn. But here is the thing that gives me great joy:

Only God could take something as ugly, messy, and horrible as our sin and turn it into something as beautiful as death raised to life just to give us life more abundant and free. 

The second reason I got that particular verse on my arm is because I feel like I have dealt with the death of too many family members in my life. (First my 9 year old cousin, then her mom, followed by my uncle within 2 1/2 years. Then another cousin and my aunt a few years later.)  

In 2011, My Aunt Becky's funeral was the first funeral I attended since my younger cousins in 1999. 

I have attended the 'viewing' part of the funeral of family members, but never the actual funerals after my younger cousin passed away.

Aunt Becky was my closest Aunt on my Grandad's side. I loved her so, so much! I just remember sitting there listening to the preacher talk about her life while tears streamed down my face. 

For every death and funeral home 'viewing' that I had witnessed before my Aunt Becky, I had always been able to detach myself in the midst of things and just observe while each person grieved in his/her own way then I would go home and grieve in my own way in private....

BUT not this time. I just let it go. I sat there in that funeral home during the services..and I grieved her loss. Right there. Like it was just me and her. I didn't care who saw. I just grieved the loss of her precious life. 

I remembered the walks we would take down the dirt roads by her house just chatting. I remembered searching for arrowheads and gems on those dirt roads..(I had an awesome rock collection, thanks to her! ) 

I remembered our wonderful visit just a few days earlier when we sat around reminiscing about old times. I listened to her tell stories about my Grandad and what life was like when they were children. I missed her terribly. I still miss her. 

My Aunt Becky had a way of making you feel special. She made you feel like you could conquer the world and take on anything. 

She was a gentle, quiet spirit, but she was also strong and steadfast. She was always the one person that knew how to take this free-spirit and keep her feet on the ground. For her, I will always be grateful.

I've hidden Isaiah 61:3 in my heart for those days that I need to remind myself that for those who mourn, God gave a crown of beauty for ashes....

Just thinking about how death, or loss of any kind has impacted my life and how sadness almost became a routine thing for me just made that verse seem fitting for me and fitting to share with the world.