Days when I wake up at 2a.m. with my heart beating out of my chest and my body trembling.
I've shared openly about my struggles with fear and anxiety but I rarely share about what lurks in the shadows.
I've spent half of my life battling an eating disorder. The visible signs ebb and flo but the fact is that battle never goes away. It's always there lurking in the shadows waiting to rear its ugly head. Waiting for the anxiety and fear to sneak up and waiting for me to feel like things are out of control.
For me it has never been as much about appearance as it has been a coping mechanism; a sense of control when everything else was out of control. A comfort when I felt betrayed.
I know now that those were lies and at my lowest point on the scale it wasn't under my control; it controlled me.
I have learned since my last and worst battle how to keep it under control. I've learned that while it will always be there lurking, I don't have to be held captive by those chains that keep me from living in complete freedom from this.
I'm continuing to choose freedom.
I'm choosing to exercise and eat healthy. I'm choosing balance. I'm choosing to set a positive example for my children, especially my daughter.
I want my children to engrave 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 into their hearts.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
I want them to know that "Everything is permissible- but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible- but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good but the good of others.... Whether you eat or drink or what ever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 &31
As I live with more intention in this area I hope that I honor God in whatever I do. I hope that my children see that this life is all for His glory.
No comments:
Post a Comment