Love remains.

I can't wait to get our wedding photos back so I can share them all with you, but until then I wanted to share my heart. 

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

We only have this one life here on earth.

The beauty and comfort in that truth is that we don't get just one shot at it. We serve a God of second chances. A God who doesn't require that we pick up the remains of the aftermath, but who completely restores our life and makes all things new. 

I'll never forget they way I felt the moment I stepped up to the alter, joined hands with Ryan and listened as pastor Don began to read aloud the lyrics to the song I chose as I walked down the aisle:

"There is good news

There is good truth
That you could never change
No matter what you do
You are loved
More than you know
More than you could hope for
After everything you've done

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

There is good news
There's a promise
That no matter where you go
You will never be alone
In the dark
In the doubting
When you can't feel anything
Oh, his love remains the same

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

Even through the night
Silver stars will shine
Hope of glory's light
That will wake us once again

As sure as the sun will rise
And takes away the night
As sure as the sun will rise
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end"

As Sure As The Sun by Ellie Holcomb. 

I didn't intend to get teary-eyed or a little weepy, but the second I heard those lyrics I typed in bold I could barely hold back the tears. 

There was something about having that song read back to us as part of our marriage covenant that not only brought the tears; it brought the picture and purpose of marriage exactly the way it was created by our Heavenly Father to life. 

Seconds before I felt giddy, filled with joy and overwhelmed with gladness.  

As Pastor Don continued to read, I was quickly sobered and filled with humility because not only has my savior loved me at my darkest and when I didn't want to feel anything, so has Ryan. 

I stood up there with Ryan and a room full of loved ones, most of my village in that little chapel where we were wed, who have all loved me not just on the good days but also at my darkest. 

In that moment I felt so undeserving, yet so much gratitude that God would choose to give me this life. 

I feel so much comfort and freedom in trusting Ryan to love me unconditionally during our lifetime here on earth, and even more freedom in the truth that marriage is not just about us. It's not just about the song or the dress or wedding "stuff".

Marriage is a metaphor of Christ and the church. 

A picture of unconditional love. The commitment and the laying down of one's life for the one whom your soul loves.

Not just on the good days. In the dark days. In the days of doubting. 

In seasons of life when we need our savior and where God's infinite love and mercy abounds...

His love remains the same. 

In seasons of marriage when our infinite, unconditional love for each other abounds and we choose to choose each other everyday through it all..

Love remains.

Days when we love each other at our darkest. When we work together raising our children. When we laugh together until we can't breathe and our sides hurt. 

Even on the days in between when we're just content to be still and sit together without saying a word...

Love remains. 

Moving Day.

"Get over your hill and see what you find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair." After the storm, Mumford and Son's   

Today was the last day of our three day moving adventure. We are completely moved into our new home. I can't thank my Parents and Ryan's buddy enough for all of their help. 

There's no better place to stand than to stand confidently in the midst of God's will for your life.

The truth is, I always thought I would have a certain life. 

The day the kids and I moved into our condo, I let go of that. The life I was previously working towards, with unclenched fists..no hatred or bitterness..with completely open hands, handed back.

I trusted God would take care of us the day I signed the lease to our condo on 3035 Combray Circle. I wasn't exactly sure how, but I kept the faith. 

I believed with all my heart He was going to change us here. I felt my heart being changed the minute I turned the key and slowly peeked around the corner as I opened the door to our little "shoebox" as I often called it. We laughed, cried, loved hard, yelled, shared secrets (and bedrooms), prayed together, and dreamt together over the past two years in that tiny little space. Some days it felt so small and confining, but most days it was warm and cozy..and we made it our home. 

I knew moving day was coming, but I couldn't have anticipated quite how fast. 

Leaving this home was so much more than just leaving a home. It's a house filled with redemption, memories and our stories in each of its walls.

Every memory played out like a short film in rewind as I closed the door behind me and locked it as the kids and I move on to the next chapter of our lives. 

I've always struggled with letting go of things: Cards or letters that every loved one has ever given me, trinkets from high school or my children's baby clothes, pictures that bring painful memories or items that remind me how far I've come. 

The hurt, the struggle, the surrender- that all makes us who we are. It brings us each to different outcomes but at the end of the day it makes up the pieces of who we have become. It's okay to hold on to the things that are part of us, but there are also times when there's freedom in letting go. 

This home will forever hold a piece of my heart. It has fingerprints of God's handiwork in my life and in the lives of my littles. It's seen me at my worst and it's seen us change into who we are today.

In one week from today, Ryan and I will be married and sharing our new home as a family of 5. 

There's so much to be gained when we live a life with open hands. 

"You open Your hand And satisfy the desire of every living thing." Psalm 145:16

Here's to open hands always.

December.

December is minutes away. For me, it always brings love, laughter, and a sobering reminder of a plan put into action and made complete by the maker of the stars; the one who's ways are not our ways nor whose thoughts are our thoughts. 

Sometimes life throws these moments right in front of you. Moments that stop you dead in your tracks, cause you to breathe a little heavier, make your throat lumpy, and your eyes fill up with tears-

Not because what's happening is sad, but because you know that moment is passing faster than a speeding bullet and the second you blink it's gone. 

I'm a dreamer, an idealist. Always have been. It has it's perks, but sometimes I have to remind myself to be present especially in this season of motherhood. 

I love the quote, "You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today, it will be over before you know it."

That quote alone makes the tears flow. 

I'm thankful for moments like tonight where I stopped to watch my children find joy in decorating our humble little tree while we sipped hot chocolate and watched Christmas movies. There is so much beauty that is in store for them that they don't even know is already in the works. I can't wait to share those with them and here on this little space, but tonight I wanted to share what was on my heart after I soaked up this precious time and tucked them in bed. 

Knowing that Ryan has worked continually in providing a future for not just me, but my kids also, and that those things will be played out over the next 30 days reminded me of how God is constantly working in our lives in ways we don't or can't always see. 

3 "When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

    human beings that you care for them?"

I can't help but dream of our family and what God has in store for all of us over the next month and years to come. I can't help but praise Him, thank Him, and humble myself before Him for all the plans he's put it to place without me even knowing.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."