Today Ellie Kate and Jude are headed to Nashville to spend a couple of weeks with their Dad, Step-mom and baby brother.. I still struggle with watching them go. I wish I could say this part of life after divorce gets easier but it doesn't. It has however taught me that selflessness rarely comes without sacrifice.
After I finished packing them up yesterday, we spent some time in my daughters room- just the three of us. We we were chatting and feeding their pet fish. I don't really remember much of what was said after the conversation shifted to the importance of caring for another living creature by cleaning the fish tank and feeding the fish before they left, because I drifted as I began to study every movement their little bodies were making: How my daughters hands, as she put the fish food in the tank, no longer look like the baby hands that are engraved in my mind from when she was an infant and once wrapped them around my finger as I nursed her. They look more mature- like helping hands that offer kindness without hesitation. I noticed how Jude's face and eyes no longer look like the baby that once gazed up at me when I sang him 2 a.m. lullabies. They look more mature- like eyes that see into the souls of others and want to offer empathy in places others sometimes over-look. How the baby boy whose mouth took forever to utter a word now speaks with encouragement, enthusiasm and a million "I love you's!". I observed hearts that are being softened through things I wish they didn't have to endure but that I know are necessary for wisdom, growth and understanding.
These little ones that the Lord has entrusted to me now look like big kids that are maturing in so many ways beyond their physical appearance. They are becoming more independent as each day goes by.
The reality that they are leaving town leaves me selfishly wanting to keep them here so I don't miss a single moment; but sacrificially and selflessly I watch them go because my heart wants what their heart needs.
When I was expecting Ellie Kate I heard that the days of motherhood are long, but the years are short... I don't think anyone could have prepared my heart for the bittersweet weight of that truth. (Even on the days we all get on each other's nerves.😉)
All of this said, my heart does rejoice in the weight of this glad truth- that often times sacrifice offers great joy. And joy is resounding :
"Many sacrifices were offered on that joyous day, for God had given the people cause for great joy. The women and children also participated in the celebration, and the joy of the people of Jerusalem could be heard far away."
-Nehemiah 12:43
Happy Friday eve, sweet friends!
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